Begin Again
by Kotodashi Kyoshi
Summary: She feels like home...and he can't let go.


Author's note. Filling in Kestrels beater 2 position since we didn't get a reserve. Used reversed: emotional baggage, unresolved issues, resisting transition.

Disclaimer: #meh will continue using this hashtag now because it's a staple in my every day life

* * *

"We can't keep doing this."

It's the same line she's used for the past few months.

But he knows she doesn't mean it, knows they'll continue doing whatever it is they're doing.

"If he finds out, he'll hate us both," she whispers.

"He'll get over it."

"You know he won't. He will be so angry. We have to tell him-"

"NO!" he interrupts. "No, we aren't going to tell him anything. I don't have to get his permission. Neither do you. He had his chance. And I just don't care anymore. The war is here, who knows how long any of us have left."

She looks pensive and it makes him frown. "I think right now you need all the friends you can get. I don't think upsetting your best friend is a smart choice."

"You didn't seem to care last night in the Room of Requirement." His words visibly sting her and he regrets it the minute they come out of his mouth.

"You're right. Which is why this can't keep happening. Either we stop, or we tell him. I'm not going to go on a hunt for the Horcrux's for who knows how long while keeping this a secret from him. He deserves better than that."

He's silent for a stretch of minutes, rubbing at his forehead out of habit. "We shouldn't have to hide that we want to be together."

"It just isn't the right time to tell him. You know that. So we need to stop before it hurts all of us. After the war, when everything is done we can try again."

His head snaps up and he narrows his eyes at her. "After the war? Hermione, I may not even survive the war!"

She reaches out for him, "don't say things like that."

But he doesn't want to hear her excuses anymore so he pushes her away and leaves her alone in the empty classroom.

* * *

He watches her as she dances with Viktor Krum. His senses are heightened since the arrival of the Minister of Magic earlier that morning.

Something feels off.

Or maybe its just that he hates how she looks in the star Quidditch player's arms.

He chances a look at his other best friend, and notices the redhead is staring at their pretty brunette bookworm as well. But after a moment Ron find his eyes and nods his head towards him, making his way through the crowd.

"Who invited that tosser?" Ron asks him.

He shrugs. Like he's supposed to know?

All of a sudden Ginny is there beside him. "Do you want to dance?"

He thinks about it for a moment before saying okay and leading her onto the dance floor. As he passes Hermione and Viktor he catches the brunettes eye and she smiles a soft smile at him while Viktor pulls her closer as the music slows.

Dancing with Ginny feels good. Being held later that night by Ginny feels good as well.

But she isn't Hermione.

* * *

They stare at each other, huddled together on the small cot in their tent.

Ron has been gone for almost a week now.

The Horcrux is weighing on them both.

"We should talk about this," she whispers.

He pulls her closer and tucks her head under his chin, kissing her hair. "I don't want to talk about it. I just want to lay here with you and try and forget about everything for just a little while."

She drifts off to sleep just a few minutes later and he stares at the locket laying on the small table next to the cot.

_She'll never be with you in the end. You're too broken. Too damaged. She's brilliant. Why would she stick around to deal with your emotional baggage. You hold her back._

_You hold her back._

He falls asleep, the words whispering in his ears.

* * *

The war is over.

They won. He's alive.

But he's broken.

All he wants is to crawl into a hole and hide away from the constant stares, hand-shaking, and media frenzy.

All he wants is Hermione.

But she's made it clear that they need some time apart.

She has things she needs to take care of. Her parents in Australia, trying to get their memories back.

Ron has offered to go with her.

He hates that idea.

Ron should be at home with the rest of the Weasley's grieving.

Like he does every night into a bottle of Ogden's Finest.

It bothers him that he's cross with them. He doesn't want to be. Hermione just feels like home. It was the only time he ever really felt like that.

She told him just as much. That the time they spend apart will be good to see if there really is something between them or if they are just familiar.

He takes a deep breath, and opens the door to Grimmauld Place to leave.

He's supposed to be meeting Ginny in Diagon Alley for dinner.

* * *

It's been weeks since they'd come back from Australia.

Hermione was unsuccessful in restoring her parents memories, and there had been no one at the Ministry who could help either.

She hasn't wanted to see him.

But Ron wanted to.

Because she'd told him on their trip what had been happening between them.

"Why go behind my back?"

It was a simple enough question but he didn't feel like he really needed to answer it.

He did anyways. "I didn't feel like I owed you an explanation."

"You knew how I felt about her. How I FEEL about her. And what about Ginny? Why are you entertaining her if you have feelings for Hermione?"

But he wasn't entertaining Ginny anymore, because she'd had enough of his pity party and clearly she could see it wasn't her that he wanted. And she wasn't about to continue chasing after Harry Potter.

"I don't know what you want me to say," he says.

Ron shakes his head, "you have everything, Harry. Why did you have to take her too?"

He frowns at Ron, because the redhead has never understood that Harry really didn't have anything except a vault full of galleons that he could really care less about.

"I guess it doesn't matter now though does it?" Ron continues, "cause now she's run away to that Muggle University to keep doing school. Of all things, that's what she chooses to do after the war."

He cracks a smile and steals a look at Ron, who also cracks a smile as they share a laugh.

"I just want us to all be friends again, you know? I just want things to go back to the way they used to be," Ron says.

He nods in agreement, but at the same time, its not what he really wants.

* * *

As she steps off the train, his breath catches. He hasn't seen her in months, and now that she's finally back for good he isn't sure how to act around her.

They'd decided to remain friends, that's all she wanted to be. He was going to respect that.

She hugs Ron and Ginny before turning to him with a shy smile on her face.

"Hello, Harry."

"Hermione."

And the cycle begins all over again.


End file.
